True Christianity is faith in the works of Christ. No other hope than Christ is the believer’s foundation. Through these blog posts, readers can become subscribers and tune in to insights. Here, you can share what it means to walk toward Christlike in your faith. Effective Christian Leadership is a faith walk that serves first. Grow spiritual based on effective biblical leadership. The author shares posts related to faith and leadership with a global community. Subscribe and receive updates directly in your email. Share via Social Media platforms.
I attended the “Safe Spaces for Children/Youth/Young Adults Session II” virtual training. Stacey Hall-McLeod was the facilitator. Two other presenters were Mildred and Ted. Each presenter dispensed with their titles to make everyone feel at ease. They also shared strategies for creating safe spaces for lifting young people voices.
Session II – A REAL Strategy
Melissa introduced the listening strategy “REAL.” in the first workshop. In Session II, this was a chance to practice active listening. It was not just my opinion that the session was a good one. Other participants shared their thoughts. I also received follow-up phone calls explaining why Session II was relevant to their personal life and ministry. As a follow-up to this activity, we were given a particular assignment to do before workshop number three.
Assignment – The Transformative Circle
Before Session III, I am to organize a small event with friends and/or family. Keeping it to a small gathering, I am to prepare a beautiful meal. Therapists sometimes called this activity “The Transformative Circle.” For this assignment, I am calling it “Set the Dinner Table.”
I have this belief that I generally create “safe spaces.” In this assignment, however, my task is to create a warm atmosphere for any quests to resolve personal conflict(s). Since the family has grown over the years, I gave that honor of meal preparation to my daughters. I willingly focus on the atmosphere. Within two weeks, we were to put what you learned into practice before Session III with Stacey.
The Dinner Table Experience – My Plan
At each place setting, I will place a beautiful card (or paper) with an open/ended question. Stacey gave us examples of open-ended questions. First, we will practice active listening. No interruptions. Allow each person to answer his/her question(s). Most importantly, we will not give answers to what we think we hear. The task is to validate another person’s trauma. It does not make it a fact but it is what a person feels. This is key to the process. We will acknowledge that the person feels this way. For more about the table, we suggest this post, Setting the Dinner Table.
Uncertain as to what triggers could occur, I will introduce the “breathing” technique. This will help with relieve anticipated anxiety.
Perceptions
I must say as a retired educator and in my current ministerial leadership, you might think this task to be simple. Unfortunately, it is not. If you are generally one who gives advice, it comes naturally to do so. However, in “Set the Dinner Table,” activity that is not the focus. Yours is to listen. The difference is that I am being ask to do this activity with open-ended questions that might trigger reactions. In addition, family members are welcome into my personal space in this activity.
Take – Aways
This might call for additional sessions for support. You do not have to go it alone. Reach out.
Janet Heimlich wrote “Raising awareness of the issue of religious child maltreatment (RCM) and its risk factors is the first step toward protecting children. And that is something we all should strive to do, regardless of whether or not we are members of a faith community. Providing safe spaces for young people is the goal of this session.
Awareness that the Lack of Safety is Problematic
Schools, colleges, universities, parks, centers, churches, synagogues, mosques, and homes are spaces where young people gather. But are they feeling safe? Post the 2019 pandemic, statistics about safe spaces suggest young people feel unsafe. During the 2019 pandemic, children trauma escalated. Clinical therapists report findings of an increase in violence among youths. Post-pandemic, according to the research, sex trafficking and violence against children has risen. In addition, there is an increase in the number of people experiencing homeless and suicide rates. Refer to the article, “America’s Homeless Population on the Rise.” All of these factors are the result of mental illness in young people.
RCM – A Challenge to Safety for Faith-based Organizations
A major concern among therapists is the rise of RCM due to the increase of youth availability. Our question to start is, how will groups and organizations adapt to create safe spaces for this subpopulation? For faith-based organizations, it is especially concerning. Why? Historically, the condoning of strict discipline has been an accepted practice. Thus, RCM gets a “pass” as part of strict discipline. A popular response is there exists the mindset of “separation of church and state.”
What Are the Prevailing Questions?
Do we watch as well as pray? Are we our brothers’ keepers? Is it our mission to help those who are suffering in silence? How can we help those who are suffering in silence? Should we call awareness to this issue? Are our places of worship safe spaces?
The voices of participants in this training session are that there must be a call for supporting this subpopulation. Furthermore, RCM training is a necessity to meet the moment. This will help the spiritual, emotional, and physical safety of children and youth.
Let’s Unmask the Issue in Faith-Based Organization
Key points from the participants in this session: (1) The family was the first institution established by God, our Creator. The Church was the second institution. We know the enemy is on a direct path to infiltrate and cause harm to these two institutions. (2) When we talk about breaking the will and building trust to help our vulnerable population, we should not ignore cultural biases. These biases must be addressed to provide safe spaces for mentoring others who need training. (3) We must also consider religious background. In examining religious child maltreatment, I literally had to assess the matter of RCM in the context of my cultural biases and religious upbringing:
1. Whippings – First Introduction to Trauma
Whippings were part of my childhood and community. My parents were not abusive; they were, however, intended to do “justice” as good parents. The Church taught that it was God-inspired. So, my parents instilled that in us. Whipping was taught as to not spare the rod, or you might spoil the child. So, we adopted the philosophy as a show of good parenting skills. Yet, this type of punishment, for parents, inflicted a type of “pain” and trauma. The tears of the child(ren) and lingering negative thoughts about the entire process contributed to this trauma. In lieu of this, spankings and taking away privileges seemed to be the most sensible approach because…
Research of Whupping and Emotional Safety
Janet Heimlich wrote, “But while hitting children is prevalent in black communities, to argue that “whupping” children was a tradition brought over from Africa, or that it is a culturally consistent practice today, is simply false. While many argue that “whupping” children is distinctly the tradition of black families, studies of Africans show this is false. Rather, “whupping” was the teaching from slave masters for conformity to rules and to instill fear. Africans taught that children are gifts, and their spirits are representative of a spiritual birth. Physical discipline is still taught as a social necessity. It aims to keep black children out of the streets, out of prison, or out of police officers’ sight. Again, if “whupping” was the key for children safety, then the prison system should reflect that truth. A Pew Research 2015 survey found that black parents are more than twice as likely as white and Latino parents to use corporal punishment regularly (Click here to review 2019 research article from the National Library of Medicine).
2. Whippings – Teaching Corporal Punishment and Causing Psychological Harm
“If we teach not “to spare the rod” as indicative of a parent who does not discipline their child, this is the parent who “hates their child,” what will be the continued outcome??
Early in life, corporal punishment brings psychological harm to children. Children in adulthood react to their emotional experiences. In our workshop, participants felt that this does not mean spankings are never appropriate. However, it is time to view the intent and purpose in our biblical teaching to congregations. Have not the educational institutions done so? Many religious institutions still teach, “Whoever spares the rod hates their children. But the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them (Proverbs 13:24). Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die (Proverbs 23:13).” Historically, this meant the harsher the punishment, the greater the love and teaching.
If “whupping” was the key for children safety, then the prison system should reflect that truth. Instead…black and brown Americans far outnumber other populations. To this I say, it is time to re-assess “whupping” in the context of scripture, history, and culture.
What is the rod?What is the purpose of the staff?
The Hebrew word for rod used in the above Psalm and Proverbs scripture passages, is ʺshabat.ʺ A shabat is specifically the shepherd’s rod in caring for sheep. The Hebrew word mishena has the idea of “something to lean on,” “trust,” “support,” or “staff.” Together, the two words paint a picture of a strong, protective shepherd whom we can trust (neverthirsty.org).
In biblical times, a shepherd consistently used both a rod and a staff to tend the flock. Both tools are to protect the sheep. The rod’s purpose is to direct the sheep and fight off wild animals. The idea is to prod the sheep into the fields and return into the sheepfold by night. The staff is longer, thinner and has a crook at the end. Sheep can be wandering animals at times. The staff was used by the shepherd to take hold of the sheep with the crook. He used the staff to direct the sheep into the direction he should go. Are we using the rod and staff as protective instruments of love?
3. A Simple Startup Plan
Workshop participants drew this conclusion. We are to extend the rod and staff. This serves as a protective force in caring for sheep. On the other hand, I prefer to use the power of prayer. My desire is to rely on the Word of God instead of physical harm when caring for the sheep. When I think of my maternal grandmother, this was her method. I remember her summoning us to sit at her feet. It was time for a serious talk and reflection when we made a mistake. Without lifting her hand to physically correct us, she could bring us to tears. Her probing questions and words of how she was disappointed in our actions were enough for us. With my parents, we feared their physical wrath more than anything. With my grandmother, we did not want to disappoint her. It was just as meaningful in direction.
Jesus uses both the “rod and staff” to guide his sheep toward him. He directs them in the right direction on the right path. Thus, what is the guiding behavior we are seeking?
4. More to RCM than This
When it comes to RCM, there are various methods of abusive behaviors that have not been discussed in this article. I only introduce whippings because of the cultural and familiar religious teaching exposure. The sessions by our clinical therapists are to provide additional insight. The goal is to understand more about the philosophy and psychological threats to make changes. We aim to understand more about how organizers operate under the disguise as religious institutions. Their goal is to subvert God’s Truth. Rather, there is an organized network of abusive behaviors that are perpetrated on our young. They are no longer hiding as much as you might believe.
Finally, as servant leaders, we can’t ignore the increase of institutions forming as religious organizations. Their aim is to infiltrate the minds of young people for personal gain. While this type of religious child maltreatment is not new, the techniques are changing. Infiltrators network by gaining the trust of church leadership. Their common goal is to divert the family and Church. No institution of learning is exempt. No house of worship is exempt. Yes, watchmen, “Watch as well as pray.” We invite you to read other blog posts in support of safe spaces and faith:
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night, Psalm 1:1 NKJV.
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Principles – To Please the Lord
A man of principles pleases the Loard
When you love God, there is such a desire to honor and do His Will. You want to please Your Father because it is important to Him. This man know that God loves him and cares for him. He knows that whatever concerns him, God listens will listen; a man of principles will follow after God.
Let me be clear: when we say, “a principled man,” we are speaking of the human species (man and woman). Man and woman will offer sacrifices of righteousness to the Creator; his faith is placed in the One who is faithful.
Early Childhood Lessons
As a child, my teaching – an unprincipled man will lie, cheat, and steal. An unprincipled person is a deceiver; and the deceiver is the enemy of God. His lips are of clay. His eyes are filled with lust for earthly treasures. He will do anything to gather these treasures to himself. His love of money will cause “rot and stench.” He is deceitful in all his ways. Therefore, do not be fooled by unprincipled men who does unrighteousness things and say they do it in the name of Jesus. They are false prophets. (FYI -My Grandmother and Aunt Lillie were my Sunday School teachers.)
A Witness to Others
Now, that I am an adult, I am charged with the teaching and learning as “a principled man to love God.” “Amazing Grace” means more to me now; Rock of Ages is my song of praise. I can converse with a certain amount of authority “Because He Lives.” A principled man has hope about the unknown because his hope is in nothing less than Jesus Christ and His righteousness. Yes, he can witness with other principled men, “Oh, how I love the name of Jesus.”
Therefore, as a principled man who loves God, I am thankful for the songs of Zion which proclaim a steadfast love of God; an attitude of gratitude. For the Principled MAN loves God and seek to do right in God’s eyes and not his own.
So, I pause and say, in agreement, I thank you, Lord, that your grace and mercy brought me through. Thank you, Mississippi Mass Choir, the Late Great Frank Williams for these lyrics.
Your Grace and Mercy – these lyrics will penetrate your spirit.
Your Grace and Mercy – Songwriter: Franklin Williams)
Your grace and mercy brought me through, I’m living this moment because of You I want to thank You and praise You too, Your grace and mercy brought me through Thank You for saving a sinner like me, To tell the world salvation is free There were times when I just didn’t do right, But You watched over me all day and night Your grace and mercy brought me through, I’m living this moment because of You I want to thank You and praise You too, Your grace and mercy brought me through Justice demanded that I should die, But grace and mercy said, Oh no, oh no, oh no, We’ve already paid the price I once was blind, But thank God I can see, It was because grace and mercy, Came along and rescued me Your grace and mercy brought me through, I’m living this moment because of You I want to thank You and praise You too, Your grace and mercy, your grace and mercy Your grace and mercy brought me through.
